Frazier and Ramirez Family and Real Estate Law

New Mexico Divorce, Family and Real Estate Law

Divorce Debunked

How to Talk to Your Kids About Divorce

Divorce is a complicated and emotional time. No matter what feelings you have toward your former spouse, you want what’s best for your kids. How you talk to them about the divorce plays an important part in helping them cope with it.

Begin talking to your children about two to three weeks before your separation, and do your best to break the news gently. Here are some tips for smoothly communicating your divorce to your child:

Talk to your children as a couple, if possible, and try to do so without getting angry with each other. This can convey a unified sense of caring to the child, and help them feel more comfortable with the idea.

Set up a time to talk on the weekend, when you will be with your child for a length of time after the talk. You want to make sure there is time for them to think things through a bit, and come back to talk with you more, share their thoughts and feelings, and ask any questions they have.

Tell your children’s teachers about the divorce the day before you tell your kids, and ask that they be discreet until you have the talk. This helps prepare the teachers for any changes in behavior.

Keep the messaging focused. Repeat certain statements during the conversation and bring them up again in subsequent talks. Emphasize to the kids that the decision to divorce was made after a lot of thought and discussion, and that it has nothing to do with them.

Make sure the children understand that it’s OK for them to continue loving each parent fully, without fear of betraying anyone. You may also need to reassure them that your love for the child hasn’t changed in any way, and will not change in the future.

Talk to them about feelings and reassure them that experiencing a lot of different emotions — sadness, anger, worry, and uncertainty — is normal. Encourage them to talk about their feelings, but never badger them to talk if they don’t want to.

Emphasize that everyone is still a family, but things are changing. Reassure the children that they will still see both parents regularly, even though one is moving away.Explain the plan. Who will stay in the house and who is moving and where? Talk about the schedule for seeing both parents, and how you might handle holidays and special events. Allow them to be part of this discussion.

After you talk to your kids about the changes that are happening, be prepared for any kind of reaction, and take the time to help them work thorough it. Let them know that you and your spouse are there for them. However, never force kids to talk about their emotions until they’re ready.

By speaking to your kids openly and honestly about your divorce and all the emotions around these big changes, you’re creating a safe space for them to deal with their feelings about these changes.

And if you need the advice of a family attorney, give us a call at (505) 830-6563!

Resources for Single Parents

After a divorce, it’s common to feel a little out of sorts. It can be a new beginning, but reigniting your social life or creating a new social circle can be a little stressful.  

There are many great resources out there for single parents that can help you and your kids get your social lives back on track after a divorce or separation. Here’s an overview of a few: 

Parents Without Partners

The goal of the Single Parents Alliance of America is to empower single parents and their families by connecting them with other single-parent families. You can join local groups, participate in events, and access resources about financial planning, parenting, and more.

SingleParent411 

SingleParent411 is an online resource of the Single Parent Alliance & Resource Center that’s devoted to addressing the unique needs of single parents. It provides a source of inspiration, encouragement, and support. Local chapters host events, and there are programs for adults and families.  

Going through a divorce or separation and need an attorney? Give us a call at (505) 830-6563!

How to Survive Divorce

Going through a divorce is tough. Whether your soon to be ex-spouse initiated the split or you did, you will experience profound pain. And while you may not believe it now, there is life after divorce. You will survive your divorce. That’s a promise. There are ways to help you begin your new life under the most favorable circumstances possible.

Acknowledge Your Loss

In many ways, divorce is like a death. You must acknowledge the loss of your marriage. This includes giving yourself the space to mourn. Well meaning friends may push you to “get back out there,” and begin socializing and even dating. However, it’s unlikely that you will truly be ready for an active social life, much less a new romance, right away.

If your ex-spouse left the marriage to be with another person, or begins dating soon after your split, you may feel personally rejected. You may even be tempted to start your own romance to try and get “even”. Try to resist this temptation. Failure to acknowledge the loss that you feel now will likely only prolong the pain. It’s also not fair to your new partner, who may genuinely be seeking a significant relationship, rather than playing a role in your revenge.

Don’t Go It Alone

Although jumping right into the dating and social scene isn’t necessarily advisable, it is also unwise to isolate yourself while you are going through your divorce. Join a support group of others going through divorces. Seek out professional therapy or counseling, especially if you feel overwhelmed by your grief. It’s also OK to reach out to your friends and loved ones for support. Check that, it’s essential to reach out to your friends and loved ones. Of course, you don’t want to be a burden, but asking for support is not too much to ask. Chances are, your loved ones will be eager to provide a sounding board or a shoulder to lean on.

Reassure the Children (If You Have Them)

Young children need not be told every hair-raising detail about your divorce. It is enough to explain that Mommy or Daddy won’t be living with them anymore, but that he or she will love them all the same. You should also make it clear that the divorce is in NO WAY their fault. Even if you despise your spouse, he or she is entitled to be in your children’s lives, barring extreme cases such as severe domestic or sexual abuse.

You can tell older children honestly that you and your soon to be ex-spouse are ending your marriage. They probably figured out the end was imminent long ago anyway. You don’t have to sugarcoat your feelings for your soon to be ex-spouse, but you should not attempt to alienate your children from the other parent or prevent him or her from spending time with them.

Leave the Legalities to Professionals

If you and your spouse are truly leaving the marriage on good terms, it may be possible to work out details such as dividing the marital property and child support through a mediator or arbitrator. If so, you and your soon to be ex-spouse can save significant time and emotional wear and tear, not to mention money.

However, if your spouse is playing hardball, if you have reason to suspect that he or she is hiding assets, or if the split is simply antagonistic, it’s best to conduct communications through disinterested parties. That’s legalese for someone who is not emotionally wrapped up in the hurt and misdeeds that may have precipitated your divorce, but who is invested in ensuring that you achieve the most favorable terms possible. In other words, a skilled, professional attorney who specializes in divorce law.

Let us help you navigate your divorce. Give us a call at (505) 830-6563!

Community Property Laws in New Mexico

One of the most potentially problematic aspects of a divorce is dividing the property: determining who gets what. You may already be aware that New Mexico is a community property state, which means that any community property must be divided equitably upon dissolution of the marriage.

However, you may not have a clear idea of just what that means, especially in terms of your property. The attorneys at Frazier Law Office can help you sort out this particularly painful area to help achieve the fairest, most equitable division of property possible.

What Community Property Is

The short definition of community property is any property obtained during the marriage that cannot rightfully be claimed as separate property. Common examples of community property include a family home, a family car, stocks or bonds. However, community property may also include more personal items, such as jewelry and other personal property. Community property also includes debts by either party occurred during the course of the marriage, with several important exceptions, outlined below.

What Community Property Is Not

There are several categories of property (or debt) that are NOT considered community property under New Mexico Law. Property or debt that is excluded from community property designation remains the separate property or debt of the individual spouse after the dissolution of marriage. These exceptions are:

  • Property or debt acquired by an individual spouse before marriage OR, during a legal separation and after the formal entry of a decree of dissolution of the marriage
  • Property that either spouse establishes to the satisfaction of the court as separate, acquired either before marriage or during the marriage, or which is designated as separate by a valid written agreement
  • Property inherited by or given to either spouse SEPARATELY (e.g. from a parent)
  • Gambling debts, acquired either before or during the marriage
  • debts that are identified as separate by either spouse when the debt is taken on, regardless of whether the debt occurred before or during the marriage
  • Debts resulting from tort actions against an individual spouse
  • Debts incurred while spouses were living apart that do NOT benefit either both spouses or any children AND the court judges to be unreasonable

Community Property and Spousal or Child Support

Although property that is excluded from designation as community property is not subject to division upon dissolution of the marriage, it may still be subject to assignment to the other spouse. Specifically, the judge may order one spouse to supply the other with spousal support. Likewise, the judge may order the noncustodial spouse to provide child support to the spouse who is assigned primary responsibility for raising and children that result from the marriage.

Ensuring Equitable Division of Community Property

It should be clear from reading the above that dealing with community property is not as simple as splitting everything down the middle, either literally or figuratively. In fact, there are several aspects to the division of community property that can throw a wrench into what would otherwise be a relatively smooth ending of a marriage. While it is possible to obtain a reasonable division of community property if both parties are in a cooperative frame of mind, in most cases, it’s best to negotiate through attorneys like the skilled legal team at Frazier Law.

We can sort out the nuts and bolts of the community property in your marriage, ensuring the most equitable division as possible for you, our client. Give us a call at (505) 830-656

Divorce Debunked – Filing First

If you’re in the unhappy position of seeking a divorce, or fearing that your spouse may wish to dissolve the marriage, you may have received a lot of advice from your friends and loved ones. Some of that advice may be useful, but much of it is not.

Some divorce-related advice is just plain bad. The bottom line is this: as long as you have good legal representation, you should not be at a disadvantage, whether or not you file for divorce first.

For instance, many people believe that it’s essential to file first. That’s often portrayed on TV courtroom dramas, where a person filing for divorce is seeking child custody or attempting to force the soon-to-be-ex spouse to provide equitable financial support. However, filing first does not provide the advantages many people believe it does, especially with a no-fault divorce in a state like New Mexico where divorce laws are equitable and fair.

It is true that the petitioner – the person filing for divorce in a no-fault case – sets the initial tone for the divorce, such as grounds, child custody, spousal support, and possession of marital assets. However, the respondent – the other spouse – is not powerless. Especially when represented by sound legal counsel, a respondent can effectively counter whatever claims the petitioner has made and receive a fair resolution.In fact, the role of the petitioner in a divorce case carries a significant amount of responsibility. The petitioner must have correct information about the other spouse and any children, including addresses and Social Security numbers. Of course, there are exceptions, specifically when the petitioner is alleging that the other spouse is hiding assets, or is keeping the petitioner from seeing the children, when the petitioner cannot supply this information. The court makes allowances for such circumstances. 

And if you need the advice of an attorney for a divorce, give us a call at (505) 830-6563!

Divorce Debunked – Restraining Orders

Going through a divorce is stressful for both spouses and any children involved. If domestic violence or sexual abuse is in the picture – for you or for any of your children – the circumstances of a divorce can become downright dangerous

In cases with real danger, utilizing legal tools, such as restraining orders, to protect yourself or your family members is absolutely legitimate.

However…

However, many people have a serious misunderstanding of the role of restraining orders. They may have received (bad) advice from friends and family members that they should file restraining orders to ensure that they retain child custody or even possession of the marital residence. Such advice is not only unhelpful, but can ultimately be very detrimental to your case. 

Judges are very savvy about legal maneuvers and attempts to manipulate the court. Needless to say, if you’re caught attempting to pull a stunt like filing a frivolous restraining order, not only will your petition almost certainly be rejected, but the incident could possibly taint the entire course of your divorce proceedings.

If you have legitimate concerns about child custody or whether your spouse is attempting to conceal marital assets, there are legal procedures already in place. Resorting to what is essentially a frivolous restraining order is not necessary.   

Worse, unnecessary restraining orders are a drain on the finances of the person against whom the order is filed. If you hate your spouse and want to see him or her “punished,” this may sound like just what the doctor ordered. However, in the long term, the only parties who truly benefit from unnecessary restraining orders are the attorneys who collect hefty legal fees for filing restraining order petitions on behalf of their clients. Think of it this way, if you’re expecting spousal support or child support from your ex after a divorce, it’s more likely you’ll actually receive it if your spouse is financially solvent. 

And if you need the advice of an attorney for a divorce, give us a call at (505) 830-6563!