NM Family and Real Estate Law

How to Talk to Your Kids About Divorce

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Divorce is a complicated and emotional time. No matter what feelings you have toward your former spouse, you want what’s best for your kids. How you talk to them about the divorce plays an important part in helping them cope with it.

Begin talking to your children about two to three weeks before your separation, and do your best to break the news gently. Here are some tips for smoothly communicating your divorce to your child:

Talk to your children as a couple, if possible, and try to do so without getting angry with each other. This can convey a unified sense of caring to the child, and help them feel more comfortable with the idea.

Set up a time to talk on the weekend, when you will be with your child for a length of time after the talk. You want to make sure there is time for them to think things through a bit, and come back to talk with you more, share their thoughts and feelings, and ask any questions they have.

Tell your children’s teachers about the divorce the day before you tell your kids, and ask that they be discreet until you have the talk. This helps prepare the teachers for any changes in behavior.

Keep the messaging focused. Repeat certain statements during the conversation and bring them up again in subsequent talks. Emphasize to the kids that the decision to divorce was made after a lot of thought and discussion, and that it has nothing to do with them.

Make sure the children understand that it’s OK for them to continue loving each parent fully, without fear of betraying anyone. You may also need to reassure them that your love for the child hasn’t changed in any way, and will not change in the future.

Talk to them about feelings and reassure them that experiencing a lot of different emotions — sadness, anger, worry, and uncertainty — is normal. Encourage them to talk about their feelings, but never badger them to talk if they don’t want to.

Emphasize that everyone is still a family, but things are changing. Reassure the children that they will still see both parents regularly, even though one is moving away.Explain the plan. Who will stay in the house and who is moving and where? Talk about the schedule for seeing both parents, and how you might handle holidays and special events. Allow them to be part of this discussion.

After you talk to your kids about the changes that are happening, be prepared for any kind of reaction, and take the time to help them work thorough it. Let them know that you and your spouse are there for them. However, never force kids to talk about their emotions until they’re ready.

By speaking to your kids openly and honestly about your divorce and all the emotions around these big changes, you’re creating a safe space for them to deal with their feelings about these changes.

And if you need the advice of a family attorney, give us a call at (505) 830-6563!

When Mediation Fails

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Mediation is a technique for resolving disputes in which a trained mediator sits down with both parties to a conflict and tries to help those parties work out a deal. During a divorce, many people first choose mediation to try and resolve their issues. More often than not, mediation works well, and both sides can come to an agreement. 

There are many myths about what mediation can and can’t do for you. Here are some important things to understand about the mediation process. 

Mediators are trained to help people resolve their issues and settle their differences themselves — but, mediators can’t force people to agree to anything.

Mediators don’t take sides. They are supposed to be independent and neutral, to help guide the parties towards finding solutions for resolving their differences.

Mediators have no authority to decide any issues of the case or force you or your spouse to do anything.

Mediation only works when both parties willingly participate and cooperate with the process. You have to be honest and open, and disclose your income, expenses, assets, and liabilities. A mediator can’t help you divide up your assets, or figure out if you can both still live comfortably after the divorce, if you both aren’t honest about your finances and circumstances. Mediation requires cooperation.

Mediation can be a great solution for helping resolve your differences, and create a more flexible agreement than one handed down by a court. It also helps cut down on costs associated with taking your case to court.

But mediation isn’t for everyone, and it often fails because the parties can’t come to an agreement. In many cases, especially where there’s a custody dispute, you will need the expertise of an attorney.   

If you’ve attempted mediation, and it hasn’t worked out for you, give us a call at (505) 830-6563!

Will Troubles?

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A probate dispute can be a difficult time, especially because family relationships can sometimes end up on the rocks when a will is involved. It can also be an emotional and complicated process to navigate, and you need someone with knowledge and experience to help you resolve the situation. 

Careful research, planning, and attention to detail, are crucial in resolving any issue associated with a will. Whether you’re creating your own will, or handling a loved one’s estate, hiring an experienced probate attorney to help you ensures that everything is in order.  Our attorneys are experienced in helping navigate the process from start to finish.  

Getting your property and assets in order before you die can help minimize disputes between family members. Involving an attorney in the planning and drafting of a will means that, when a loved one dies, the probate attorney will ensure that his or her wishes are carried out as intended.  

Our attorneys can help with any aspect of your probate case, including estate planning and valuation, living wills, will drafting, asset distribution, tax and debt payment, and more. We understand how delicate the situation can be and we work diligently with you to help achieve your goals in this situation. 

And if you need the advice of an attorney for a probate issue, give us a call at (505) 830-6563!

Resources for Single Parents

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After a divorce, it’s common to feel a little out of sorts. It can be a new beginning, but reigniting your social life or creating a new social circle can be a little stressful.  

There are many great resources out there for single parents that can help you and your kids get your social lives back on track after a divorce or separation. Here’s an overview of a few: 

Parents Without Partners

The goal of the Single Parents Alliance of America is to empower single parents and their families by connecting them with other single-parent families. You can join local groups, participate in events, and access resources about financial planning, parenting, and more.

SingleParent411 

SingleParent411 is an online resource of the Single Parent Alliance & Resource Center that’s devoted to addressing the unique needs of single parents. It provides a source of inspiration, encouragement, and support. Local chapters host events, and there are programs for adults and families.  

Going through a divorce or separation and need an attorney? Give us a call at (505) 830-6563!

Why a Prenup is Important

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When you say, “I do,” you expect your marriage to last forever. Nobody wants to plan for a future that doesn’t involve that special someone, but sometimes it doesn’t work out, and you want to make sure you’re protected. Having a prenuptial agreement can be a lifesaver if your marriage falls apart.

Prenups are Proactive

Prenuptial agreements make sense for any married couple, not just the extremely wealthy. They determine how your assets will be divided if you get a divorce, as well as who gets what if one spouse dies. They can protect each spouse’s existing resources, and the future needs of you, your spouse, and any children. They allow each person to understand where they are financially, and where their partner is financially as well.

Having a prenup can help prevent nasty fights, drawn out disputes, and costly court battles. It allows both parties to discuss and agree upon what will happen to all the assets, as well as any children, before things go wrong, which means that both parties can have a more open and communicative discussion. They let both spouses know where they stand, both now and in the future.

And while prenups don’t have the most romantic reputation, they are increasing in popularity. In a survey of members of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 63 percent reported an increase in prenups over the past few years.

If you’re about to get married, we can help you set up a prenuptial agreement. Call us at (505) 830-6563!

How to Survive Divorce

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Going through a divorce is tough. Whether your soon to be ex-spouse initiated the split or you did, you will experience profound pain. And while you may not believe it now, there is life after divorce. You will survive your divorce. That’s a promise. There are ways to help you begin your new life under the most favorable circumstances possible.

Acknowledge Your Loss

In many ways, divorce is like a death. You must acknowledge the loss of your marriage. This includes giving yourself the space to mourn. Well meaning friends may push you to “get back out there,” and begin socializing and even dating. However, it’s unlikely that you will truly be ready for an active social life, much less a new romance, right away.

If your ex-spouse left the marriage to be with another person, or begins dating soon after your split, you may feel personally rejected. You may even be tempted to start your own romance to try and get “even”. Try to resist this temptation. Failure to acknowledge the loss that you feel now will likely only prolong the pain. It’s also not fair to your new partner, who may genuinely be seeking a significant relationship, rather than playing a role in your revenge.

Don’t Go It Alone

Although jumping right into the dating and social scene isn’t necessarily advisable, it is also unwise to isolate yourself while you are going through your divorce. Join a support group of others going through divorces. Seek out professional therapy or counseling, especially if you feel overwhelmed by your grief. It’s also OK to reach out to your friends and loved ones for support. Check that, it’s essential to reach out to your friends and loved ones. Of course, you don’t want to be a burden, but asking for support is not too much to ask. Chances are, your loved ones will be eager to provide a sounding board or a shoulder to lean on.

Reassure the Children (If You Have Them)

Young children need not be told every hair-raising detail about your divorce. It is enough to explain that Mommy or Daddy won’t be living with them anymore, but that he or she will love them all the same. You should also make it clear that the divorce is in NO WAY their fault. Even if you despise your spouse, he or she is entitled to be in your children’s lives, barring extreme cases such as severe domestic or sexual abuse.

You can tell older children honestly that you and your soon to be ex-spouse are ending your marriage. They probably figured out the end was imminent long ago anyway. You don’t have to sugarcoat your feelings for your soon to be ex-spouse, but you should not attempt to alienate your children from the other parent or prevent him or her from spending time with them.

Leave the Legalities to Professionals

If you and your spouse are truly leaving the marriage on good terms, it may be possible to work out details such as dividing the marital property and child support through a mediator or arbitrator. If so, you and your soon to be ex-spouse can save significant time and emotional wear and tear, not to mention money.

However, if your spouse is playing hardball, if you have reason to suspect that he or she is hiding assets, or if the split is simply antagonistic, it’s best to conduct communications through disinterested parties. That’s legalese for someone who is not emotionally wrapped up in the hurt and misdeeds that may have precipitated your divorce, but who is invested in ensuring that you achieve the most favorable terms possible. In other words, a skilled, professional attorney who specializes in divorce law.

Let us help you navigate your divorce. Give us a call at (505) 830-6563!